Center for Excellent Living
Comprehensive Life CoachingWisdom
Throughout the ages wisdom has been considered a valuable resource; a resource that guarantees a good life. We talk about being wise with money, striving for wisdom, and taking advice from wise people. But what is wisdom?
The goal here is not to get into a deep philosophical analysis or a psychological debate. Rather, I hope to define wisdom in practical, applicable terms.
Some will say wisdom is knowledge and others will say wisdom is the application of knowledge. Some will say wisdom comes from deep thought, and others will say wisdom comes with experience. I believe wisdom is the application of carefully considered knowledge based on facts and one’s own experience or the experience of others’. Wisdom is intentional.
Wisdom requires knowledge, but that knowledge needs to be knowledge of fact, not swayed by emotion. Knowledge is not assumption, presumption, or accumulated data. Knowledge, alone is not wisdom. Many people collect a great deal of knowledge. Some horde it greedily, never sharing it. Others seem to build a barrier between the storage of knowledge and the use of it.
Experience is certainly a contributor to wisdom if the impact of the experience is considered and lessons are learned from it. Experience can produce knowledge, but many go through experiences and learn nothing because they see the experience as a negative event or toil, rather than an opportunity to learn. These are people who consider themselves victims of life. People can be extremely experienced, yet have no wisdom. Some will take their experience and learn processes or techniques, yet never be able to apply that knowledge to other circumstances.
Thought is required to move knowledge to a deeper level, to break it apart, to consider it in relation to other situations, and to evaluate the potential outcome. This thought process produces wisdom which can be expressed or applied. Applied wisdom is powerful because it has a positive effect and produces healthy outcomes. Wisdom exhibits itself in the form of discernment, self-control, right attitude, sound judgment, self-denial and healthy relationships. It’s the ultimate goal in decision-making and action.
So how do we measure wisdom? When you face a decision ask yourself these things:
Sometimes making a wise choice is hard, because it makes life more challenging for ourselves or for other people. Wisdom doesn’t guarantee easy situations or a perfect life, but from every experience we have the opportunity to mature in our attitudes and perspectives. This greatly increases the chance of making more productive and more valuable decisions in the future. So the question to ask yourself is this: Am I making choices that make me feel good in the here and now, or am I making choices that will positively impact the future, for me and for others?
Praying With Our Legs
Frederick Douglass once said, “I prayed for twenty years but received no answer until I prayed with my legs.”
At first this sounds like an odd thing to say, but when you think about it, it’s a revolutionary statement packed full of meaning! He spent 20 years of his life reaching out to God, patiently waiting for God to do something about his situation. Meanwhile, God was even more patiently waiting for Douglass to do something.
We spend a lot of time wishing and hoping, and many of us praying, for certain outcomes. What we fail to realize is that we’ve been given power to act. A bike is hard to turn when it’s sitting still. But point it in the general direction that you want to go and move the wheels, and turning becomes a breeze!
If we want our lives to move forward, we need to be willing to move. Think about it. If you want to be out of debt, you have to DO something. Start working, work even more, and stop spending. If you want to lose 25 pounds, you have to DO something. Start exercising, eat better, and eat less.
It’s not easy and some things aren’t controllable. Some people take medications that affect their weight; some people lose jobs unexpectedly; some people endure terrible illnesses. Life is sure to throw crazy and sometimes oppressive things at us from time to time. But problems are guaranteed to continue unless we do what is in our power to make the changes. Our REAL priorities are reflected in our actions, not our words.
Jesus worked many miracles, but have you ever noticed how he had people do something, sometimes something very simple? He could have done the entire act himself, but we brought his people into the process. He didn’t wave a magic wand & randomly give them what they wanted. He had them do what they could do, and he did the rest, which amounted to the majority of the work. You can wait for a miracle, and if you’re doing your part, it may well happen. But are you doing what you can or are you waiting for a magic wand? Are you just praying, or are you praying with your legs?
How to Present a Positive Negative
One of the hardest things in any human to human exchange is to say, “no” appropriately. An appropriate “no” is an honest and considerate refusal to a request. Some people can be very direct with their “no,” regardless of how it affects the receiver. Others can’t seem to say no in any situation. These people will often over commit themselves or they take a passive aggressive approach and say, “yes” even when they mean, “no.” This buys them time to figure out a way to change their answer in the future.
Regardless of whether you find it difficult to say, “no” or find it too easy to say, “no,” it’s good to learn HOW to say, “no.” Let’s look at a few techniques.
The direct “no” is fine, provided you’re considerate of the feelings of the receiver. If the person asked a simple yes-or-no question, “no” may be a good, concise response. But if there’s an expectation or a need involved, your “no” may be better received if you expand on it using a reflective or reasoned “no.”
A reflective “no” simply reflects the other person’s words and feeling prior to saying, “no.” This tells the other person that you heard & understand them. A reflective “no” is good when there’s a sensitive relationship between you & the other person. An example is, “You really need me to work the car wash on Saturday, but I have a prior commitment. I just can’t do it this weekend.”
A reasoned “no” softens the blow by offering a reason for the “no,” but is straightforward. For example, “No, I can’t go with you to eat sushi tonight because I have a class meeting.”
A rain check “no” opens the door to an alternate time. An example would be, “I’d love to go with you tonight, but I can’t. I’m free next Tuesday, though.”
The best “no” response when the requester is persistent is the broken record “no.” This answer is a “mantra” that is repeated every time the request is made. This is an excellent “no” to use if you’re facing creditors, a persistent salesman, or a begging child. Here’s an example in response to a child asking for something at the store: “No, you can’t have that candy. It will spoil your dinner.” When a child asks again, you repeat your “mantra.” “No, you can’t have that candy. It will spoil your dinner.” Continue repeating the same response until the requester gives up. Be careful not to get sucked into emotional responses. Stay with your mantra, spoken calmly. If they can ask six times, you only need to respond seven times. That’s all it takes!
A healthy interaction is dependent on honest and straightforward dialog. Once you learn to say “no,” appropriately, you’ll find people will become more receptive to your communication, your guilt & frustration will subside and your schedule will be under your own control. Start practicing today.
